Carefully Chosen Words – August 29, 1999
Communicating with those we love can be one of our most difficult challenges. The words we use can make or break a relationship. A father, who was deeply troubled over the lifestyle his adult son had chosen, took advantage of every opportunity to preach him poignant little sermons punctuated with his condemnation. The son loved his father but avoided spending time alone with him because he didn’t want to hear the preaching and the railing against him.
On a recent visit, when the father was about to deliver his usual lecture, his son said, “Dad, please remember that the way your message is presented has everything to do with the way it will be received.” It made the father think, and he changed his whole approach. He told his son how much he loved him and that it was his deep desire that his son would be able to enjoy genuine happiness in his life. The son said, “We then shared the sweetest time together that we have ever had, and I realized how much my father loves me.”
British novelist Dorothy Neville said, “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”1 There are many times when we may feel like saying something hurtful in retaliation to an unkind remark or when we stumble in our effort to correct a family member. Longfellow gave us a warning worth remembering when he said, “A torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words bruise the heart of a child.”2
Are we not all children in the sense of needing to be responded to with caring gentleness? A woman discovered the truth of this statement when she sat down to write her husband a note, intending to list his faults and tell him he needed to change. She wanted it to be effective, so she prayed before writing. As she began to contemplate what to write, her mind was filled with the many good qualities her husband had. She wrote a letter expressing her gratitude for his goodness. It touched him deeply and changed their relationship into a far more loving one. Carefully chosen words can rebuild a broken bridge and bring a message of hope that can fill both hearts with love.
Program #3654
1. Dorothy Neville, quoted in The New Dictionary of Thought (The Standard Book Co., 1951), 654.
2. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, quoted in The New Dictionary of Thought (The Standard Book Co., 1951), 85.