Choosing Compatibility – June 01, 2003
One of the most common complaints marriage counselors hear from couples is that they consider themselves incompatible. This discovery of difference is a tremendous shock to those who marry in a swirl of romance, enchanted by the happily-ever-after endings depicted in movies, novels and fairy tales.
When reality finally parts the clouds, many newlyweds find that their chosen mates have flaws and quirks they never noticed before. It’s tempting to despair and believe that the dream is shattered, the relationship is false, and the happiness has evaporated. But in reality, this is when a relationship truly begins. This is the “point of partnership,” where both people finally remove their blinders and face their situation honestly, forming a team to tackle and resolve the big issues and identify the insignificant ones. Sacrifice is required, but by learning the intricate dance of compromise—when to move forward and when to step back—couples can choreograph a marriage of love and respect.
Differences are inevitable in any partnership, whether in business or personal life, and the wise partner uses them to the advantage of the group. While one person is practical and analytical, the other might be creative and spontaneous, forming a perfect blend for reasonable progress. One person’s sense of humor can round the edges of another’s tendency to worry too much. Both can benefit from seeing another perspective. Both can learn to set aside selfish desires for the benefit of the union.
The best partnerships include a blending of similarities and differences, just as the most beautiful music has both melody and harmony. The key is to expect two different people to be exactly that—different. When those differences appear, celebrate them instead of feeling threatened by them. They bless you with two perspectives instead of only one. Compatibility then becomes a choice, a thing created through determination to make the partnership succeed, to make those very differences the reason your marriage works.
Program #3850