Effective Communication – Sunday, October 10, 1982
When we speak to others, we often send subtle messages—with meanings quite different from those we intend. It seems to be a growing problem. People have difficulty communicating with one another.
Many of today’s broken homes have their roots in poor communication. Families may have learned to talk to one another, but the communication is not often very effective.
During research conducted with delinquent youths, it was found that members of troubled families had a certain way of “triggering” each other through language. For example, one father’s voice always carried a tone of accusation when he addressed his son. The son, in turn, never spoke to the father without including antagonistic words. Father and son were reinforcing their problems and their unhappy relationship through poor communication.
It was William James who pointed out that in any dialogue between two persons there are six participants. It isn’t merely a conversation between husband and wife—which would be simple—but between three aspects of each personality.
First, there is the husband as he appears to himself; second, the husband as he appears to his wife; and third, the husband as he really is. The complementary triad, of course, is the wife as she appears to herself, as she appears to her husband, and as she really is.
No wonder family members have difficulty communicating with one another. It’s easy to see how communication between two people can go astray. Arguments often begin on a false basis, and such disputes can have no good or true ending. Likewise, poor communication between parents and growing children is largely based on differing self-concepts.
We need to learn to accurately communicate our real feelings, thoughts and problems to those we love. How can we know what another family member is really like or who he or she really is unless we learn to communicate our feelings effectively?
Of course, the challenge of effective communication carries a broader implication. If family members cannot communicate effectively within the sanctuary of the home, how can societies, communities and governments communicate with one another?
Mankind must tackle the problem of sending and receiving messages. And it must begin within the walls of our own homes—with husbands, wives and children in an atmosphere of love.
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October 10, 1982
Broadcast Number 2,773